first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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