Cold hands, warm shart.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
