i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
