after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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