Swine flu. Run for my life!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
