How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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