i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize