Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
