cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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