Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
