peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
