My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
