I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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