All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
