Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
