Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
