you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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