No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
