I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize