Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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