walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
