I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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