That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
