I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
