think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
