Your face is a jimmy john
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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