Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
