The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
...so i touched it.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
