Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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