Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
