you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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