Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
