They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize