So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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