i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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