but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
