do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
ok first of all what the fuck
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
