Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize