Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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