Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
