My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
