He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
