so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
