I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
