Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
