Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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