i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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