Screwed.edu
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He did a backflip because drugs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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