part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
