1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
