Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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