and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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