is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
