it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize