If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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