Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
