yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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