OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm just crazy horny about you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
