i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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