don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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