I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You smell like stripper and shame
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
