i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
