You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize