Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
