glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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