Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
