they need to just BURY HIM!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
