you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
