i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
