Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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