i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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