worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
