The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
