Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
wow bdsm is so cute
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
