Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
