I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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