Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
