I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
