we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
