there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
whose parrot is this?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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