dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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