I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
