I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
