I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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