my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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