Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize