so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
