Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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