I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
As shirtless as possible
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
