So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
