he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
