So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
