life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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